i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
