I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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