I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
