if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
