Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
