Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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