I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
