I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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