Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
