Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
