Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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