i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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