I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
