I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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