I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have demons in me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
