the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
