Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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