I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
