Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
