too bad you live with your parents still
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
