I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
