Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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