i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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