4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
