Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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