Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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