I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you had me at cake vodka
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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