After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
