And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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