it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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