oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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