Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
