Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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