Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
