I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
