After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
