There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
