I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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