sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
