it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
