Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
smell my finger.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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