Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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