It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
