We got so high we made milksteak
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
