Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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