i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
