we have pet lesbian snakes
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I faked an abortion last night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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