I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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