you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
