how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have feelings that need drinking.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
