I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
