Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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