God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
