$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
