we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
